Lazy in Love
Want new clothes? The latest trainers? Something for dinner?……. Different partner? Or just no strings attached sex?
In the world of smartphones, we can search for the latest products at the best prices whenever we like. We can have virtually anything we want on our doorstep within 24 hours and we don’t even need to speak to anyone to do it.
The internet hasn’t just changed the way we shop. We can scroll through endless choices of what we fancy for dinner as well who we fancy for afters. With the likes of Tinder and Grindr we now have the ability swipe right on a huge number of people, from a variety of backgrounds, in the hope of finding someone to either, date, have sex with, or be in a relationship with. We can be more selective, right? We don’t need to settle for just anyone. We can have ‘conversations’ without talking to anyone, and eventually meet up for whatever it is we’re looking for. And if it doesn’t work out, start again and ’pick’ another. Meeting people has never been so easy.
But has online dating made it so easy to meet people, that it’s made it harder for us to form decent relationships?
What happens when you’ve met the ‘interesting’ person in that ‘winning’ photo? It’s perfectly possible that they’re as shallow as a camel’s piss puddle, despite the witty, interesting messages they sent you (oh and probably to hundreds of others too). And while the photo kind of resembles them in real life, for some reason you just don’t fancy them anymore.
Sexual attraction isn’t purely physical. I’m pretty sure if you have the personality of an arsehole, you can begin to resemble one. A particularly ugly one.
What if we were so pre-occupied with shopping looking for our preconceived idea of ‘sexual attraction’, it meant that we swiped left on someone who’s photo was a bit unappealing. Just because someone hasn’t spent hours trying to perfect a false representation of themselves in a selfie, it doesn’t mean we’re not going to fancy them when we see them. If you had met them in ‘real life’ they could have been super sexy and interesting.
Are we losing our ability to lay down the foundations of a meaningful relationship with someone because it’s so easy to scroll on to find something a bit more appealing? Can’t we accept any of the bad bits as well as the good anymore?
Have we started to treat people like objects? – Just like a pair of shoes. “Well they’re a bit worn out, so I’ll order some more”.
The Long Term – Warts ‘n’ All
What if we find ‘Mr/Mrs Perfect, fancy the pants off them, love their personality, marry them and then in 20 years’ time, it’s turned out that Mr/Mrs P have aged somewhat? Does your sexual desire diminish with someone you love because they gain a few pounds and wrinkles?
Will our forever changing world, with its ‘throw-a-way’ culture eventually cause us to lose the ability of unconditionally loving someone? Will we even desire long-term relationships anymore? Will our technology obsessed world mean that we evolve into humans who can only date with quantity rather than quality in mind?
We sincerely hope not. Relationships and the defining principles of love are needed more today than they ever have been. Now we are all connecting online, trust and respect for each other should be prerequisites for modern relationships, not an excuse for them to be ignored. We need to protect these beliefs as they setup the framework for building relationships in general, not just in love. If you don’t value or respect others, ultimately it say’s more about you.
It also helps to leave a little to the imagination. People and their personalities are not distinct shades of colour. There are grey areas, and at times chemistry cannot be defined by words alone. How that person makes you feel inside, is not a reflection on a singular event.
For those looking for love – try putting down that mobile phone, and take in the immediate world around you. That next chance encounter, maybe closer than you think.